The 2014-2015 school year is coming to a close-only three more days left with students! I'm genuinely excited for summer, but at the same time I dread the end of school. The last day of school means letting go of the students I've worked so hard with for the past nine month, it means that I won't have one more chance to finally get those light bulbs to click on and it always means something is changing.
Gone are the days where teachers stayed in the same room year after year and taught the same lessons each year. I do repeat a few lessons each year, but for the most part summer is my time to refresh, find new ways of teacher, reflect on what worked and what didn't work etc. etc. This summer is going to be even busier because I'm changing subjects for next year. For the past four years I've taught English and next year I'm going to be a Social Studies teacher! I'm thrilled since my degree is in Social Studies and the English certification was just a back up in case I couldn't get a Social Studies job (and I'm thankful I had it).
While I'm super excited to be teaching my first love and getting to share my passion for history and government with my students I'm also freaking out a little bit over the amount of work that has to be done. My new colleagues are super supportive and helpful-always freely sharing resources but we have a new test to prepare for so none of us have all the resources we need. We need to get better at meeting the Common Core Standards and at covering document based questions so we're rewriting our tests, creating new lessons together and figuring out strategies to teach writing and reading in the Social Studies department. It makes me thankful I have the English experience so I'm already ahead of the curve-History and English are super easy to mix! This year I taught World War II/Holocaust, Civil War and The Great Depression all in the context of covering literature from those eras.
However, even though mixing English and History is easy it still requires a lot of work on my part. I have a ton of ideas for teaching and for making our Social Studies classes even better! Social Studies is often seen as something that isn't important (and it certainly isn't afforded the importance of Math and English), often times it is looked at more as an elective rather than a core class. However, Social Studies is a great opportunity to inspire students to make changes in their world, emphasize high level reading skills, utilize critical thinking skills to analyze historical documents and social problems and to write essays and letters that require evidence and the defense of a position. Social Studies can also help students become better citizens and affect our whole world in a positive manner. It is my goal to make Social Studies a course that is important, relevant and an important part of a well rounded education.
I'm afraid of falling into the trap of showing movies everyday (since there are SO MANY excellent Social Studies movies) or just having students color maps every single day. I've seen classes like that and I can't see the educational value-I want a class that is rigorous, truly prepares students for high school and life and inspires passion in my students. Too many kids complain that history is boring-but there are SO MANY fun things about history and I want to expose them to all of it!
Along with my new subject I have to move rooms as well so the last few weeks have been a whirlwind of cardboard and tape! DH is away on a business trip so I'm holding down the fort at home along with packing up a whole classroom (and I'm one of those teachers who should probably be featured on Hoarders). I'm also leaving for Europe on the last day of school to meet up with DH which means I'm desperately trying to get the yard mowed in between rain showers (which seem to be occurring every single day), running the dog to the vet to get shots, packing for the trip, buying last minute items, packing all the things DH forgot etc etc.
Even though my summers are never a do nothing time for me (seriously my to do list is 4 typed pages long!) I'm excited to catch up on all the stuff I neglect during the school year and prepare for my new classroom and my new subject. Plus I'm thrilled for a four day educational conference, two different trips to Europe and plenty of time with the dog! DH is in his busy time at work (harvest time) so he'll be traveling most of the summer, but I can't wait for the days he is home so we can do super fun stuff together (like swimming and bike rides). I'm also planning on teaching the dog to go on bike rides with me so she can get more exercise (since her vet said she was getting chunky) without killing my injured foot!
I'm sad to say goodbye to my current group of students and my current subject-I've really enjoyed my English career-yet I can't wait to see what next year holds! Posting will probably be light for the next few weeks as I travel and check things off the massive list, but I'll post when I can and hopefully posting will resume soon!
Showing posts with label work travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work travel. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
The Trailing Spouse
DH travels A LOT for work-which in itself is a blessing and curse. I'm naturally a very independent person so I enjoy my freedom away from him, but I also get irritated when I don't feel that he's contributing as much as he should be. DH makes very good money, but the trade-off for that is the fact that he will be on the road most of May-November. He also works in the ag industry so planning tends to go out the window-you can't really plan rain or hailstorms or when the crop will be ready for harvest. That in itself is the most frustrating part since I'm a planner and I just can't go with the flow.
DH loves his job and that makes me happy. He really does like getting up every day and going to work and he does find joy in what he does. He has offered to find a job where he doesn't travel so much, but I know how desperately unhappy he would be if he did that so I let him travel (ha-let him-that makes me sound so bossy-oh wait I am).
The sucky part is sometimes his job takes him to super fun places-like Europe. If I'm not working I get to accompany him (like to France and Switzerland last year), but if I'm working I'm stuck at home. That's the trips that suck the most as he calls every day to tell me about his adventures in Denmark (or some other country) and all I get to share is my teaching adventures (that get less exciting each year as I get better at classroom management) or the tale of what the dog chewed on today (and now that she's properly medicated she does that even less). I will admit it's super depressing to sit at home solo and know that hubby is off having fun in another country (even though to be fair he does work 12-14 hour days and it's probably less fun than I imagine).
We live in a pretty rural area and I apparently suck at making friends so I get pretty isolated and spend a lot of time talking to my dog. You know your life is pretty sad when you spend a Saturday night having a dance party with your dog.
The most difficult part of being in a relationship (or marriage) with someone who travels is the loss of connection. It sometimes feels that DH doesn't really live at our house-it's just another stop in a long line of hotels. Frequently I've felt like folding the toilet paper into a triangle and putting a key card on the door just to make him feel more at home. We live two separate lives-his revolves around work and mine around domestic stuff-and honestly there isn't much in common. Over his 5 year tenure at the company we've watched many marriages and serious relationships implode due to the travel requirements. It's taken us a LONG time to get to the point where we are pretty comfortable with the status quo, but we've made a system that works for us.
Here are a few hard lessons we've learned:
1. Talk on the phone EVERY DAY: we don't manage this as well as we would like sometimes (due to issues with time zones and schedules), but we usually are able to talk and/or text. DH's job doesn't really give him a lot of time to text (he's working with big machines and needs to keep his attention on them so he doesn't decapitate himself or someone else), but we usually get a short talk in during the evenings. I live for those calls! It's a way that we share what's going on in our life.
2. Embrace Snapchat (and not for dirty pictures): Somehow Snapchat has worked better for us than anything else. We send each other funny things we see (either in real life or on the internet) or pictures with silly captions. Snapchat doesn't lend itself to a serious conversation, so we are able to share some funnies throughout the day. It's quick and easy so we actually communicate with it more than through text.
3. Make connections with others: This is something I struggled with for a LONG time. By nature I'm pretty shy and anti-social. I cherish alone time, but when you're alone for 6 weeks at a time it gets a little depressing. I'm not where I would like to be, but I'm getting better at making some friends and taking the initiative to invite them to lunch or dinner or to an activity. When I schedule a lunch with a friend for Saturday I will spend the whole week looking forward to it. It really is a great mood booster! I'm also working to find hobbies that aren't solitary (like taking my dog to obedience classes) so I can meet more people.
4. Understand there will be an adjustment period: It takes time to get used to having DH home! Don't get me wrong-It's exciting when he comes home, but it's also annoying. He is usually gone for 3-6 weeks at a time (with no weekends at home) so I get set in my ways. I'm not used to having someone else in bed or pawing through my cabinets. He's gotten into his routine and I've gotten into mine and sometimes they conflict. We used to fight a lot during the first week or so that he came home, but it's getting better because we both understand that it WILL get better. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and roll your eyes for a few days before it feels normal.
5: Be selfish: When DH comes home it feels SUPER selfish to take off for a solo shopping trip, lunch with friends or some other activity. However, we sometimes need a break from each other. He wants to see his friends and have boy's night and I want someone to watch the dog so I can get my nails done without feeling guilty for leaving her at home. I'm not telling you to spend all your time apart-but take the time to do the things you enjoy instead of being glued at the hip. You will have more to talk about at the dinner table instead of just staring at your cell phones.
6: Keep conversations positive: I was super guilty of using DH's daily phone calls to whine to him about all the things that had gone wrong, how the house was falling apart and how sad I was. Usually this turned into a fight because DH felt irritated. For me it was a way to get sympathy, but for him it just frustrated him. He was already upset that he couldn't be home and fix the problems. It made him feel guilty and just served to irritate both of us. Do we occasionally have to discuss problems at home (like the sinkhole that developed in our yard over the summer)? Of course! We keep the conversations focused on solutions and how I can fix the problem (with his guidance) and I try not to bring up unnecessary things.
7. Use home time as special time: It's super tempting to dump a list of honey-dos on DH the minute he walks in the door, but that's not what home time is for. When he's only home for a couple of days obviously home chores need to be done, but we try to prioritize what is critical and what can be put off for a few days. We can then use the time to do fun stuff together instead of arguing over the state of the lawn or the condition of the gutters. Sometimes you just have to give in and outsource some of the stuff (like hiring someone to mow the lawn)!
8. Travel when you can: DH and I both LOVE traveling and it's a great bonding experience. We're one of those couples that are amazing at traveling together (unlike the sad sacks in the airport fighting next to the Cinnabon). If you have the time to tag along on a work trip (and it's allowed by company policy) go for it! For me it was eye opening to see how much work DH actually does (his work trips really aren't fun at all). It also lets me get out of the house and we get to spend more time together (Even if it isn't much).
9. Don't let resentment creep in: This one is probably the hardest one! I do get resentful when DH is in Europe and I'm not or when I'm cleaning up dog vomit (I'm pretty sure my dog is bulimic) while he's at a swanky restaurant. It helps to remind myself of all the blessings that his job has afforded us: financial independence, his happiness, the ability for both of us to travel more than we would have if he didn't have the job etc. I also have to remind myself that he really is working-not on vacation-and he is working just as hard as I am (just in a different location).
10. Express your needs: I tend to bottle up things and just expect DH to read my mind and know what I need. When he's been on the road for so long he tends to overlook things that need to be done. It's a lot easier to politely ask him to unload the dishwasher rather than just stewing about it for the whole evening. We had many a fight about how many times I said "I miss you" on the phone before I finally flat out told him that I want to hear him say that he misses me. I know he does, but I just need to hear him say it.
These "rules" took us a long time to learn, but now it's so much easier when he travels. I miss him when he's gone, but I'm not nearly as unhappy as I used to be. Is there anything I've missed? How do you deal with a traveling spouse?
DH loves his job and that makes me happy. He really does like getting up every day and going to work and he does find joy in what he does. He has offered to find a job where he doesn't travel so much, but I know how desperately unhappy he would be if he did that so I let him travel (ha-let him-that makes me sound so bossy-oh wait I am).
The sucky part is sometimes his job takes him to super fun places-like Europe. If I'm not working I get to accompany him (like to France and Switzerland last year), but if I'm working I'm stuck at home. That's the trips that suck the most as he calls every day to tell me about his adventures in Denmark (or some other country) and all I get to share is my teaching adventures (that get less exciting each year as I get better at classroom management) or the tale of what the dog chewed on today (and now that she's properly medicated she does that even less). I will admit it's super depressing to sit at home solo and know that hubby is off having fun in another country (even though to be fair he does work 12-14 hour days and it's probably less fun than I imagine).
We live in a pretty rural area and I apparently suck at making friends so I get pretty isolated and spend a lot of time talking to my dog. You know your life is pretty sad when you spend a Saturday night having a dance party with your dog.
The most difficult part of being in a relationship (or marriage) with someone who travels is the loss of connection. It sometimes feels that DH doesn't really live at our house-it's just another stop in a long line of hotels. Frequently I've felt like folding the toilet paper into a triangle and putting a key card on the door just to make him feel more at home. We live two separate lives-his revolves around work and mine around domestic stuff-and honestly there isn't much in common. Over his 5 year tenure at the company we've watched many marriages and serious relationships implode due to the travel requirements. It's taken us a LONG time to get to the point where we are pretty comfortable with the status quo, but we've made a system that works for us.
Here are a few hard lessons we've learned:
1. Talk on the phone EVERY DAY: we don't manage this as well as we would like sometimes (due to issues with time zones and schedules), but we usually are able to talk and/or text. DH's job doesn't really give him a lot of time to text (he's working with big machines and needs to keep his attention on them so he doesn't decapitate himself or someone else), but we usually get a short talk in during the evenings. I live for those calls! It's a way that we share what's going on in our life.
2. Embrace Snapchat (and not for dirty pictures): Somehow Snapchat has worked better for us than anything else. We send each other funny things we see (either in real life or on the internet) or pictures with silly captions. Snapchat doesn't lend itself to a serious conversation, so we are able to share some funnies throughout the day. It's quick and easy so we actually communicate with it more than through text.
3. Make connections with others: This is something I struggled with for a LONG time. By nature I'm pretty shy and anti-social. I cherish alone time, but when you're alone for 6 weeks at a time it gets a little depressing. I'm not where I would like to be, but I'm getting better at making some friends and taking the initiative to invite them to lunch or dinner or to an activity. When I schedule a lunch with a friend for Saturday I will spend the whole week looking forward to it. It really is a great mood booster! I'm also working to find hobbies that aren't solitary (like taking my dog to obedience classes) so I can meet more people.
4. Understand there will be an adjustment period: It takes time to get used to having DH home! Don't get me wrong-It's exciting when he comes home, but it's also annoying. He is usually gone for 3-6 weeks at a time (with no weekends at home) so I get set in my ways. I'm not used to having someone else in bed or pawing through my cabinets. He's gotten into his routine and I've gotten into mine and sometimes they conflict. We used to fight a lot during the first week or so that he came home, but it's getting better because we both understand that it WILL get better. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and roll your eyes for a few days before it feels normal.
5: Be selfish: When DH comes home it feels SUPER selfish to take off for a solo shopping trip, lunch with friends or some other activity. However, we sometimes need a break from each other. He wants to see his friends and have boy's night and I want someone to watch the dog so I can get my nails done without feeling guilty for leaving her at home. I'm not telling you to spend all your time apart-but take the time to do the things you enjoy instead of being glued at the hip. You will have more to talk about at the dinner table instead of just staring at your cell phones.
6: Keep conversations positive: I was super guilty of using DH's daily phone calls to whine to him about all the things that had gone wrong, how the house was falling apart and how sad I was. Usually this turned into a fight because DH felt irritated. For me it was a way to get sympathy, but for him it just frustrated him. He was already upset that he couldn't be home and fix the problems. It made him feel guilty and just served to irritate both of us. Do we occasionally have to discuss problems at home (like the sinkhole that developed in our yard over the summer)? Of course! We keep the conversations focused on solutions and how I can fix the problem (with his guidance) and I try not to bring up unnecessary things.
7. Use home time as special time: It's super tempting to dump a list of honey-dos on DH the minute he walks in the door, but that's not what home time is for. When he's only home for a couple of days obviously home chores need to be done, but we try to prioritize what is critical and what can be put off for a few days. We can then use the time to do fun stuff together instead of arguing over the state of the lawn or the condition of the gutters. Sometimes you just have to give in and outsource some of the stuff (like hiring someone to mow the lawn)!
8. Travel when you can: DH and I both LOVE traveling and it's a great bonding experience. We're one of those couples that are amazing at traveling together (unlike the sad sacks in the airport fighting next to the Cinnabon). If you have the time to tag along on a work trip (and it's allowed by company policy) go for it! For me it was eye opening to see how much work DH actually does (his work trips really aren't fun at all). It also lets me get out of the house and we get to spend more time together (Even if it isn't much).
9. Don't let resentment creep in: This one is probably the hardest one! I do get resentful when DH is in Europe and I'm not or when I'm cleaning up dog vomit (I'm pretty sure my dog is bulimic) while he's at a swanky restaurant. It helps to remind myself of all the blessings that his job has afforded us: financial independence, his happiness, the ability for both of us to travel more than we would have if he didn't have the job etc. I also have to remind myself that he really is working-not on vacation-and he is working just as hard as I am (just in a different location).
10. Express your needs: I tend to bottle up things and just expect DH to read my mind and know what I need. When he's been on the road for so long he tends to overlook things that need to be done. It's a lot easier to politely ask him to unload the dishwasher rather than just stewing about it for the whole evening. We had many a fight about how many times I said "I miss you" on the phone before I finally flat out told him that I want to hear him say that he misses me. I know he does, but I just need to hear him say it.
These "rules" took us a long time to learn, but now it's so much easier when he travels. I miss him when he's gone, but I'm not nearly as unhappy as I used to be. Is there anything I've missed? How do you deal with a traveling spouse?
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